


Finding Purpose

by destroyedbyfeels



Category: Legend of Korra
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-21
Updated: 2014-12-21
Packaged: 2018-03-02 15:39:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2817452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destroyedbyfeels/pseuds/destroyedbyfeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Korra's battle with Zaheer, Asami notices that she is truly struggling to come to terms with what has happened, and cannot find a purpose nor to live. Korra awakes from nightmares each night, and Asami decides to take her to the hot springs on Air Temple Island in hopes that it can help her relax, but something unexpected awaits Korra when they arrive... Mature themes mentioned and some sexual content, fluffy angsty little one shot. Set shortly after Book 3.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding Purpose

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I know it’s taken me ages to get this finished but school got in the way and I needed this to be perfect (still fangirling like crazy over that Book 4 finale though oh my god). I began writing this shortly after the Book 3 finale (around about August) when I was emotional with a beautiful angsty promt from my friend, so some details mightn’t make sense with what we have seen through Book 4 so please don’t hate on me. This is entirely my own interpretation on these characters and these events as I do not own Legend of Korra or any of its characters. I love Korrasami. You gotta deal with it. Read and Review :)   
> Total word count: 5539

It was the screaming that got to me the most. The fear that was evident in her helpless cries in the middle of the night was heartbreaking. Each night I would rush to her room to wake her from her slumber, her body attempting to flail but being unable to due to the poison. It has immobilised her. Her movements are slow and uncoordinated at best; it’s almost as if she is a child again, learning how her body is meant to move. Once she was awake, she would cling to me with what little strength she had, sobs wracking through her body.

“I’m so sorry I can’t do this,” she cries. Her voice is hollow and hysteric, nothing like the Korra I once knew.

She suddenly whips her head around, staring intently at every dark spot in her room in case he is hiding here, waiting to strike her. She begins to shake and her eyes grow wide with fear and dread.

“It’s okay Korra,” I murmur to her, slowly stroking her hair and tracing small patterns onto her back. “I’m here, nothing will hurt you now.” 

I move her head so it is pressed into the crook of my neck so she doesn’t have to look at the still room, but so I can also do a quick survey of our surroundings. I sometimes thought about leaving one of the electric gloves my father helped design in here in case something does happen, but I couldn’t take the risk of leaving Korra alone with it.

I pull her body closer to mine, my arms embracing her, protecting her from any danger. There is a wetness that forms on my neck, trickling down my chest. Tonight is particularly bad.

“I’ll stay with you Korra. You aren’t alone.”

It takes her a few moments, but Korra’s arms loosen slightly, allowing me to gently lay her down. I wipe hair away from her face where it has stuck due to her tears. Her blue eyes are a strange mix between fear, sorrow and emptiness. I would be lying if I said it didn’t scare me. 

I move Korra’s body so she is facing the wall to her left. I grab the spare pillow from under her bed and then lay myself down behind her, resting my left arm underneath her body and coming up to hold her hand – which she grips onto for dear life – and my other comes up and rests atop her hip. I slip my right leg between both of hers, fully entwining our bodies on the small bed. I am now pressed completely against her; I can feel every curve, every muscle, and feel the heat of her flushed skin.

I nuzzle my face into her hair and whisper to her things that will calm her down, things to help her remember her self-worth, things to remind her she is loved. Her body gradually relaxes and her breathing regulates as she falls into unconsciousness in my arms.

The bed soon grows warm from our combined body heat so I pull the sheer bed sheet away from our torsos, letting it pool around our feet. I glide my hand up her bare leg, the healing scars caused by Zaheer a stark contrast to her usually smooth skin. I give her knee a light squeeze, which makes Korra push herself closer to my body.

As my right hand continues its climb, I move the hand which Korra is now cradling up to play with her hair, but I can’t move further than her breasts. My hand instinctively stays precisely where it rests on her breast; my brain doesn’t know how to react. Please Korra, don’t wake up.

“ ’Sami.”

I scream inwardly. She can feel where my hand is. Why else would she say my name? Dammit. She’s going to move away now and distance herself from me. Any progress we have made will be ruined because of my damn hand on her breast.

The exact opposite happens. Korra’s body tries to move so she’s facing me. I help her move – thankful for being able to free the breast-grabbing arm – and her head rests next to my chest. Automatically, I wrap my arms around her peaceful sleeping form and wind my fingers into her loose hair. 

She whispers my name again, a faint trace of a smile on her lips. I gently press a kiss to her forehead and pull her in closer to me, allowing myself to fall asleep. 

 

. . .

 

I was awoken by the movement of my arm being shaken ever so slightly. 

"Asami," she said to me. Her voice was laced with guilt for having to wake me up. Looking behind me, I notice the light coming through the cracks of her shut window. This tells me that the sun has been up for many hours and we had slept in. I can't really blame Korra for sleeping so late; her body needs the rest. 

"Asami, are you awake?"

"Yeah," I mumble to her, my eyes still fluttering and rejecting the incoming light. I focus, instead, on her. My arms are still wrapped protectively around her, my fingers finding their way into her hair, now a complete mess. I then feel the wetness that has formed on the side of my cheek and pull one arm back to wipe the drool away before she could notice it. Realising just how much there actually was, I gave up, blushing at my bodily fluids making me appear like a child. She won't meet my eyes, looking anywhere but my face. 

"I need... I need to go to the bathroom..." 

I automatically snap into action. I untangle my body from hers, smiling at her to let her know that this isn’t an issue and she doesn’t have to feel as if she is imposing on me in any way. Once standing up, I pull her wheelchair closer to the bed so that the distance we must travel to get her into it isn’t too far. Looking at Korra lying there, unable to sit herself up easily reminds me just how close she was to death, but seeing her having an ability to slightly raise her torso brings me immeasurable joy. 

I pull her legs over the side of her bed and hold onto her hands to pull her upright. This is a move that feels almost natural now; we’ve done it so often it’s almost as if we don’t even need to think about it. I give her a few moments to catch her breath and to become accustomed to sitting upright before I begin to ready her for a transfer.

“You ready?” I ask her, worried about how sick she looks. She merely takes a deep breath, looks up at me with her tired eyes and nods.

“Where are my pants?” She asks me suddenly. 

“Forget about them,” I say to her, moving her body so I can get her to the bathroom as quickly as possible with as little pain for her. “We’re going straight to the bathroom; we’ll just throw a blanket over you. Now, how do you want to do this?”

“It’s not feeling very good today,” her voice murmurs lifelessly. This was a typical pattern; she would have a bad night and the following day would be difficult. 

I place my arms underneath her knees and around her back, her arm wrapping around my neck. 

“You ready?” My voice is laced with a playful tone which almost causes a smile to form on her face. I lift her body up and feel her curl into me; I make sure to hold onto her as tightly as I can so as to not drop her. A constant fear of mine. I turn my body around and come up to the left side of the chair, slowly easing Korra down. I pull the sheet off her bed and place it across her lap and take her to the bathroom down the hall. 

Once she’s on the toilet, I quickly duck back into her room to get something for her to wear other than underwear as I heard someone messing about in the kitchen. Once she has a pair of pants on – she hasn’t felt comfortable wearing anything that exposes her legs ever since that battle – we make our way to go and have some breakfast. 

When we arrive, the sight of Tenzin with baby Rohan in his arms and Meelo attached to his leg makes me chuckle. 

“Take them away from me,” his tired voice begs. 

Meelo sees Korra and me, and he runs across to us with energy only he could possess chanting, “Korra! Korra! Korra!” while he climbs his way onto her lap. Korra’s arms wrap around Meelo protectively.

“Onwards my noble steed!” he proclaims loudly. I take Korra to the makeshift table that I had Lin quickly bend out of some spare metal I had at Future Industries. Meelo gets off her and starts running around the room making as much noise as possible. 

I get together a bowl of fruits for the two of us to share, and once I get her a glass of water I make my way out to see Korra and Tenzin talking.

“You’re looking well today, Avatar Korra.” His calm voice seems to soothe her, but surely he knows that she isn’t feeling well at all. Her eyes are empty. I wish he would stop calling her ‘Avatar Korra’. She is so much more than just the Avatar, and adding that before her own name degrades its meaning.

“Korra, I know how hard this must be for you. To be so young and have this huge weight placed upon your shoulders. But believe me when I say that the Air Nation is doing its very best to follow in your footsteps to –“

“How does fruit sound?” I ask her, not wanting Tenzin to continue with his monologue. I know it only makes her feel worse. You’d think with all his wisdom he would be able to tell that saying an entire Nation has taken over her duties because she is unfit to do them is not a way to help her recover.

“Yeah, that’ll be fine…”

I place the bowl down in front of her and her glass not too far away. I lean up from behind her and whisper into her ear,

“Here you go.” 

I sit down beside her and eat with her. She hardly eats a thing, but I’m happy with her being able to consume a handful of berries and grapes. Tenzin pulls me aside while Korra is playing with the fruit bowl and listening to another tale of Meelo and Poki. 

“How is she?” he asks me solemnly. I could tell he spent most of the night awake by the droopiness of his eyes and his lethargic speech. He’s been so worried about her.

“Not well,” I admit after a moment of silence. “But I have an idea of what may help her for a few hours possibly. But I need your permission.”

His face lights up at this. 

“Anything you need, you can ask.”

“I want to use the hot springs. I remember overhearing Jinora talking about them and how, whenever she was feeling particularly blocked from her spiritual connection she would go there to focus her thoughts and reconnect. I think it could be very beneficial for her. I’ll need you to make sure no one comes by for a few hours; I just want it to be the two of us there. She could do with some calm, quiet time.”

Tenzin takes no longer than a couple of seconds to think about it before he agrees wholeheartedly. He agrees to make sure that the area will be completely isolated and will stop the Air Acolytes from making their rounds via that part of the Island.

Wheeling Korra back to her room is a quiet affair. Once we’re inside, I go in and open the window to let some light in. I hop down on my knees to be at eye level with Korra, knowing that she appreciates not having to be looked down upon, but not having someone bend at the waist condescendingly as if she were a child. I hold her hands in both of mine, a simple gesture but it’s enough to help her relax slightly by knowing I’m right here. 

“I’ve had a thought,” I begin to tell her. Her face doesn’t show any signs of her awareness that I’m saying anything, but I feel her hands tighten slightly around mine.

“How about we head over to the hot springs? I think it would be really nice to just feel the water over you. It’ll be calming, and you can have that bath we’ve been trying to get you. I’ve talked it over with Tenzin and he’ll make sure it will just be the two of us there. If you want to, that is…”

“Thank you,” her soft voice replies. “That sounds like a good idea. Let’s go.” 

I cup the side of Korra’s face and smile up at her, appreciating her willingness to try something new, particularly on a bad day. I stand up and look through her closet for a change of clothes for her, placing them on her lap so I can push her around the house to get the rest of what we need. After getting towels out of the cabinet, bathing necessities from the bathroom and clothes from my room, we make our way outside. 

Once out on the front porch and I take Korra down the few stairs as gently as possible, we’re joined by Naga. She automatically nuzzles her nose into Korra, her version of saying hello.

“Hey there girl,” Korra says to her, bringing her arm up to pat her atop her head. Naga turns her body so she’s facing the way Korra is, and we make off for the springs. Naga will often accompany Korra if she ever leaves the building to wander around Air Temple Island. The poor thing hardly gets to see her anymore, and I think she feels as though walking with her will help to protect her. We begin to make our way to the west side of the Island in silence, with naught but the sound of mine and Naga’s footsteps and any wildlife hiding in the trees. 

We reach the hot springs and Naga does her best to move the foliage out of the way with her tail to give us an easy path through the dense brush. I thought Air Temple Island was beautiful in itself, but it was nothing compared to what was before our eyes. 

There was a large in-ground circular pool surrounded by a smooth, wooden platform, trails of steam rising from its surface. The entire area was encircled by an abundance of different coloured rocks of all sizes, ranging from large boulders at the north, east, south and west facing directions, all the way down to smooth pebbles surrounding the wooden platform which are warm to touch. Overhead, the vines wove together to form a protective barrier from the elements and gently make their way down to the earth like curtains falling. They were a deep green, swaying gently in the breeze, leaves rustling with each motion. There was a chime somewhere amongst the greenery, its soft noise giving off a simplistic, calm vibe, making the atmosphere even more intimate somehow. I am in awe of this sacred, spiritual space, and it takes me a few moments to gain my breath and focus my thoughts to move myself and get Korra and I ready. 

I turn to face Naga and smile at her.

“Thanks girl,” I say to her encouragingly, walking over to play with her ears. “You go outside and keep watch for us.” She bumps my stomach and walks off. 

I make my way over to Korra and take the clothes, towels and bath necessities off her lap, placing them on the wooden platform so that they will stay dry. I look to Korra questioningly, silently asking her if she’s ready. She looks at me and nods slightly, her eyes still trying to take in the scenery. 

Taking a deep breath, I turn my back to Korra and remove the sheer dressing gown that was covering my torso. I hear a soft gasp when she realises what I’m doing, and then remove my shirt, exposing myself for her to see. I can practically feel her eyes boring into my back as I slip my hands into the waistband of my pants, slowly pulling them down my legs. Once they reach the floor, I kick them off my feet. With my body now completely bare, I turn my head to Korra and stare at her face to gauge how she’s reacting to this. Her eyes look glazed and unfocused, almost as if she is trying to stop herself from looking anywhere she shouldn’t. 

“Wha… What are you doing?” Her voice is quivering, her eyes finally focusing on my own. After one more deep breath, I turn my body so I’m standing before her, my nude body exposed to her for the first time. Whether she notices or not, Korra’s eyes travel down my body, lingering on my bare breasts. A soft blush forms on her cheeks and she quickly averts her gaze to her hands which are now rung together.

“I’m going in with you of course.”

Making my way over to Korra, my hips mimic the swaying movements of the vines that block us out from civilisation. I bend at my knees to look at her closely, making her eyes turn to me.

“Is this okay?” I ask her gently. “I don’t want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

I feel her hand grip at my forearm, almost as if she’s telling me to be quiet and that I can get on with it.

“It’s more than okay,” she whispers back at me. 

I begin undressing her, pulling her tank top off and exposing her to me. As her right arm falls, it brushes against the swell of my breast, causing her nipples to harden. I try to stop my body reacting from our proximity, but seeing her looking at me the way she is and seeing her body physically respond, I’m not sure how well I’m doing. I feel my skin becoming flushed and there’s a knot that forms in the pit of my stomach. Seeing Korra before me nude is different this time; it seems far more intimate. 

My heart starts to pound when I realise that I will need to hold her flush against my body to pull her pants off. Korra seems to have realised this too as she begins to blush more furiously. She puts her hands around my neck, and mine comes around her waist. I count down from three, and then lift her up.

It seems almost impossible to focus on pulling her pants down when I can feel her hardened nipples against mine, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck, causing our bodies to be pressed even tighter together. 

“You got a good grip?” I ask her, my arms still embracing her waist and her muscled back. She lets out a breathy “yeah” and I bring one hand down and begin the awkward decent of her pants. I pull them down over her rear on the left side, and then repeat my actions on her right. Once they’re down far enough, I lower her body back into the chair. Kneeling before and looking up at her, I pull her pants down her legs. I place my hand behind her bare knee to get them off, doing the same action on her other leg. Once finished, I place my hands atop her lower thighs, trying my hardest not to look at her naked form. And failing. 

I walk around the pool of water, looking for any steps that may lead into its depths. I get a quick glance at myself in the reflective surface and notice that my lips have become noticeably darker. Spirits, I hope Korra hasn’t noticed. I see the steps between the east and south boulders and move her wheelchair to the edge of the wooden platform. I make a motion to try and carry her when she stops me.

“No,” she says. “I want to try the other way.”

Smiling broadly and almost getting a determined smile back from her, I place my right arm around her waist and her left goes around my neck. I get a strong hold of her body and bring my other arm up my body so she can hold onto my hand. The feel of our heated flesh against each other only warms our bodies further. 

Counting down again, I prepare her for the transfer, and instead of hardly being able to hold any of her own weight, Korra manages to find the strength to hold some portion of her own body weight, finding the ability to take a step forward with my ever present assistance, a safeguard knowing that I would never let her fall. I can’t help but laugh and encourage her to take one step, and another, and another, and another. Her hand holds mine in a death grip and I can hear her heavy breathing, but she’s walking somewhat. Going down the stairs is a bit trickier than walking on a flat surface, but with our bodies this close together, we manage it. When we’re submerged in the water and sitting on a ledge, Korra loosens her grip on my hand and neck, and I remove my hand from her waist and slide away from her to give her some space. 

We sit there in silence, letting the water splash around our still bodies. There are small rocks embedded on the sides of the bathing pool which lightly push into my back, a calming sensation washing over me. 

“You… You aren’t embarrassed are you Asami?” 

I hadn’t realised that I had tried to cover my body as the water was up to my shoulders, whereas on Korra it was up to her chest, her breasts visible above the water line. I straightened my back so that I wasn’t too concealed from her; I had nothing to hide from her after all.

“No, no, it’s nothing like that,” I reassure her, finding her hand in the depths of the water. Our fingers interlock for a few moments without noise. It was just the sound of our breathing, of the wind chime, and the water gently lapping at the sides of the pool. I pull my hand away from Korra’s to move some damp hair away from her face, my fingers still managing to get tangled in the thickness of it. 

“Did I ever tell you about the day my mother died, how life was for me as a child?” It was a sudden idea that I had. A realisation that I seemed to know all about her, had even seen her nude body more times than I could count and she still didn’t know of my upbringing, and how saying goodbye to my father all those months ago was so hard for me. 

“No,” she says back to me, her blue eyes filled with a sad curiosity. “Tell me. Please.”

“I’m not sure if you’ve seen the photo I have in my room,” I began. “It’s small, but it’s the only photo I have of my mother, father and myself.”

“I’ve seen it,” she says to me.

“Well, that photo was taken a few weeks before my mother died.” I was speaking down into my hands now, and I kept watching them skim across the surface of the water. 

“Before that though, it really was your stereotypical, rich family life. I was raised to be an heiress – I can even play the piano for crying out loud – and I was given anything I wanted, my father worked long hours to keep our money, but we were all happy. My mother would spend as much time with me as possible as my father was almost always working, but on rare occasions we would go out together as a family.

Thinking back on it now, it seems complicated to try and explain. I didn’t see my father often, but I still loved him as much as I did my mother. There were times when I thought he didn’t care about us as he spent day after day, working long, arduous hours in the factory building prototypes of new Satomobiles, planning ways that he could out-do Cabbage Corp. I struggled to understand how someone who loves me could be away from me for such a long time. When mother died, however, I found out that wasn’t true.”

I had to stop talking for a moment to calm my thoughts. I saw Korra twist her body slightly so she was angled toward me, but I remained where I was, facing forward, not meeting her inquisitive gaze. 

“I was asleep when it happened. Mother and I had gone shopping for a new dress for some girl’s party I was going to the following week and I was really tired. I was awoken by hearing a woman, my mother, screaming. Being six-years-old, it terrified me and I was too scared to move from my bed and started crying. Somehow, I knew I had to stay quiet; otherwise the screams could have been mine. I heard glass being shattered and then heard the sirens of the police, quickly followed by the agonised wails of my father. 

He came into my room later to explain what happened. While I was surprised he spoke to me like an adult given my young age, I was and I still am glad he did that. I didn’t need any rubbish excuse saying that ‘mummy had gone to the afterlife because it was her time’. She was murdered. Brutally. Without reason. I think that was the moment when I realised I didn’t want to be a helpless little girl who was set up for the rest of her life with a huge fortune her daddy had built up for her. I wanted to be my own person.

My father and I became closer over the next eleven years. I grew an interest in the business and how the Satomobiles worked. I became the business women I was raised to be; polite, but hard-pushing. Through my self-defence classes, I grew confident in how my body worked, and the ways in which I could protect myself the way my mother couldn’t.”

A silence fell upon us. 

“Do you miss them?” Korra asks me.

“Every day,” I reply. “I miss the fact my mother wasn’t there to watch me grow up and see me for who I am now. I miss the father I had when I was growing up, the man who would spend entire days teaching his little girl how to read blueprints and how to turn on the Satomobile. He was entirely destroyed by my mother’s death, he never really recovered. That’s why I think he became the monster you know. He had to direct himself in one way or another, and he chose the path of vengeance and hate for the benders who took her away from us.”

We were silent for a moment. “So you were a spoilt brat basically?”

I laugh a little, the reaction seeming strange to my saddened body.

“Yes, I was.”

I look up at Korra to see her staring intently at me. Her hand stops mine from its travels along the water and holds onto it, enveloping it. Her thumb begins to trace a soothing pattern onto the back of my hand, and I think I can make out the word thank you. We sit there quietly for what seems like an eternity, just looking at each other with our hands interlocked. 

“Asami?”

“What is it?” I ask her worriedly. “Is everything okay? Do you need anything? Did I say too much?”

“Do you trust me?” Her voice is low and vulnerable, her eyes downcast. This wasn’t a question I was expecting, and I wasn’t sure where it had come from.

“Of course I do.”

“Then why do you keep your distance from me?” Korra was looking at the chasm of bare water that separated our bodies with a look of saddened loathing. As if she hated the two of us being divided, even though everything between the two of us was now entirely out in the open and her hand was in mine. We had grown closer emotionally; I needed to be ready for the physical growth that she was ready for, and so desperately craved. 

With this in mind, I slide my body across the ledge we were sitting on and place my body entirely next to hers, the sides of our bare thighs touching lightly. I could now feel the swell of her breast resting against my arm from the way she was holding my hand, which I bring up to my mouth and kiss ever so softly.

“Is this close enough for you?” I whisper to her while looking into her deep blue eyes, the words causing my lips to brush against the back of her hand. She lets out a singular breathy laugh, removing her hand from mine so she can play with her hands under the water.

“I don’t just mean physically,” she says, her voice suddenly gaining some power, her soft eyes meeting my gaze square on. “It could just be how I am now, whatever this bottomless pit of despair is that’s making me think this, but I feel as though you don’t want to be close to me. That you don’t trust me enough to let me in.” She pauses.

Hearing these words breaks my heart, but it isn’t until she speaks again that it truly hits me.

“That you don’t feel the way I do about you."

Upon hearing these words exit her mouth, I realised the bond that we had created was in no way affecting only myself like I had thought, but rather the two of us with equal measure. I couldn’t help the single tear that fell down my face and into the rippling water.

“Korra, I trust you with my entire being. I can’t imagine my life without you. We’ve grown so close over these last months, and I feel a connection with you that I’ve never felt before, not even with Mako. I don’t know what it is, but I trust it. I trust that it will take me down the right path. A path with you.”

I couldn’t believe that these words were coming out of my mouth, but they seemed to be exactly what Korra needed to hear. I feel her hand lightly stroking my thigh under the water, and use this opportunity of intimacy to pull her body so it is flush against mine. I move her legs over mine so I can feel all of her and she can then feel all of me, her behind resting against my thigh. Korra moves her head into the crook of my neck, her arms wrapping around my torso pulling us even closer together so our breasts are now pressed together. I have one hand tangled in her loose hair, the other rubbing her back while she cries silently against my neck, whether in elation or sadness I could not tell.

As we sit there with our bodies entwined in silence, water splashes against our still forms. An air of sadness washes over us while we embrace, holding onto each other as if it’s all we can do to keep a tether to this world. While I was elated that Korra had been experiencing possibly similar feelings to what I have been, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of emptiness, my dull heartbeat proving this very fact. I may have been feeling Korra’s warm, soft skin against mine, but I could also feel her body’s involuntary shaking due to her post traumatic stress. I breathe in deeply, causing my chest to push further into hers, causing a physical reaction from the both of us, warmth pooling around us. 

Korra moves her head from where it rested, after spirits knows how long, placing her right hand over my heart, the left cupping the side of my face. I bring the hand that is twined into her hair down to her cheek, caressing it, my thumb tracing the curve of her lower lip. As we stared into each other’s eyes, all her troubles seemed to fade away for a finite moment, her blue eyes swimming with curiosity, acceptance, trust and adoration. I hold her face in both my hands, silently asking permission. She nods her head slightly.

I’ll never leave you Korra. I lean forward and gently press my mouth against her lips, wondering if she could see the promise in my eyes. I didn’t know if this was right for Korra, but it was right in this moment.


End file.
